In an essay for Buzzfeed entitled What’s In A (Porn) Name, Conner Habib discusses the repercussions his porn name had on someone whose real name also happens to be Conner Habib. He goes on to eloquently explain the need for porn names in the first place:
Porn performers pick their stage names for different reasons, but the most common idea is that if you create a name, you create an identity. That identity is a thin veil that’s supposed to help you avoid job discrimination in the future, prevent your family finding out, protect you from certain overzealous viewers who may think they have a relationship with you that oversteps the boundaries you’re comfortable with, and more.
Despite the parlor game that dictates one’s nom de porn be the name of your first pet and the street you grew up on, the actual method is usually far less scientific. Usually it’s the name of a teenage crush or something that “sounded sexy”. Despite having Google at our fingertips, they often unknowingly pick something that’s already taken. Sometimes the juxtapositions are hilarious: Here’s a list of my ten favorites.
10. Derek Parker … British astrologer
The non-porn Parker is one of the foremost authorities on astrology in the world. Frequent TV and radio guests, Parker and his wife Julia have written numerous books on the subject, most notably The Compleat Astrologer, which has sold over one million copies and been translated into 17 languages.
9. Samuel Colt: Gunslinger
Although he didn’t technically invent the revolver, the original Samuel Colt revolutionized gun manufacturing and supplied firearms to both the North and the South during the Civil War. He was able to parlay his wartime earnings into a massive empire which bears the Colt name to this date. When he died in 1862, he was one of the richest men in America.
8. Michael Brandon: Veteran Hollywood actor
The Michael Brandon without Monster between his legs has been acting since the 70s, and recently had a part in the biblical cartoon “Veggie Tales”. In addition to dating screen legend Kim Novak, Brandon was married to the Bionic Woman herself, Lindsay Wagner, for a few years in the 70s.
7. Benjamin Bradley: Slave turned inventor
Lily-white porn star Benjamin Bradley is definitely not the Benjamin Bradley who was born a slave in Maryland in 1830. At age 16, the young prodigy built the first steam-powered war ship out of scrap metal, and although he unable to patent it due to laws which prohibited slaves from registering patents, he was able to use the proceeds to pay his slave master to make himself a free man.
Ben Andrews photo (L) courtesy of LucasEntertainment.com
6. Ben Andrews: Super math genius
The massive organ on this Ben Andrews is his brain: As a senior fellow at the Centre for Mathematics and Applications at the Australian National University, he wrote a PhD thesis on evolving convex hyper surfaces. His interests include differential geometry associated with conformal transformations, projective transformations, affine transformations and other groups and semi-Riemannian geometry.
5. Aiden Shaw: TV Boyfriend
Here’s one case of art imitating porn. Openly gay “Sex and the City” creator Darren Star apparently was such a big fan of the super-hung British stud that he named one of Carrie Bradshaw’s boyfriend (played by John Corbett) after him.
4. Ralph Woods: Theologist
A professor of theology and literature at ultra-conservative Baylor University in Texas, Professor Woods focuses on the “Christian angle” of the major literary works of the 19th and 20th century. He also edits “Christian Century”, a magazine that “explores what it means to believe and live out the Christian faith in our time.” Surely he’s a big fan of his gay porn counterpart.
3. Anthony Romero: Executive Director of the ACLU
Like the gay porn star with the same name, Anthony Romero is openly gay and Latino. Unlike him, however, he’s served as executive director of the American Civil Liberties Union since 2001, where he has worked tirelessly to oppose Bush’s terrorist surveillance program.
2. Dale Cooper: Fictional FBI AgentI always thought the porn star’s name sounded familiar … and then it finally hit me: Agent Dale Cooper was the quirky FBI agent played by Kyle MacLachlan in the 1989 cult classic show Twin Peaks. I wonder how porn’s Dale Cooper feels about cherry pie? [Update: Dale confirmed via Twitter that he did name himself after the Twin Peaks character:]
@GayPornBlog The former.
— Carlos Danger (@DaleDoesPorn) August 2, 2013
@GayPornBlog <3 3=”” p=””>
— Carlos Danger (@DaleDoesPorn) August 2, 2013
1. Jeff Stryker: New York Times and NPR contributor:
One of the most iconic names in porn is shared by a mild-mannered Connecticut-based writer who specializes in stuff like health policy and bioethics, on which he’s written for the New York Times, Salon, and The Nation. Frequently mistaken for the porn star, it says “NOT THE PORN STAR” across the top of his website in huge letters. His site probably does get a lot of traffic though.
